About Marketing

 

Marketing is the all-encompassing process of getting a product or service in the hands of your customers. The steps involved include market analysis, product creation, advertising strategy and distribution. This article addresses how these four key components fit together within the marketing process.

1. History

   • The actual word "marketing" wasn't coined until 1884, and it was used more in an abstract sense: where to sell what, and when. Considerations such as customer needs, supply and demand, and distribution didn't come into play until the Industrial Revolution.
     The advent of international trading opportunities, coupled with increasing variation in product supply and demand, necessitated a more systematic approach to retail. By the 19th century, marketing had become a technical field of study incorporating both economic and psychological approaches within marketing practices.

   Function

   • A good marketing plan is the treasure map to a business' success. A well-marketed product finds the customer, gets her attention, and fills a need or want. These principles apply both online and off-line.
     Every business has its own brand and place in the market. How a business markets its products must fit the company's overall purpose. Cost factors, distribution routes, product category and advertising style are all dictated by the company's brand and capabilities within the marketplace.

   Features

   • 

     While each aspect of marketing is different, all are needed to create a cohesive marketing plan. Market analysis determines what product is needed. Product need determines advertising strategy. Advertising strategy determines distribution channels.

   Considerations

   • The most important part of the marketing process is the market analysis. Researching your business environment and customer needs is the only way to find holes in the demand-supply cycle where your product or service can fit.
     Keeping abreast of competitors' products provides information on what the market is lacking. Knowing customer habits and preferences will help in identifying customer needs within your business environment. The information gathered from the market analysis will suggest what product to create, how to advertise it and how to distribute it.

   Misconceptions

   • 

     It's not uncommon to see the words "advertising" and "marketing" used interchangeably, though the two don't mean the same thing. While advertising is a substantial part of a marketing plan, it doesn't incorporate the research aspects needed to promote a product. Marketing is the process; advertising happens when it's time to promote the finished product. And while market research information does play a substantial part in how the advertising is carried out, advertising is but a part of the marketing model.

Read more: About Marketing | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_4574325_marketing.html#ixzz1ThioPRg6




Want to become your own Marketing Executive???  www.wahmqueen.com

“Green” means more than just money when choosing a college

By Kelly Vaughn

Posted Fri Dec 11, 2009 10:31am PST


                                                                                                                                                                          This time of year, thousands of budding young students (and their parents) flock to college campuses across the U.S.

                                                                                                     

Armed with notepads and college guidebooks, they weave through university grounds on tours, invade dorms on recruiting visits, and congregate in the cafeteria to share impressions and rate what they've seen.

As students and their parents inspect every aspect of the institution with a fine-toothed comb, most colleges have armies of campus representatives strategically placed to answer any question, from "What academic programs do you offer?" to "How good are the parties?" 

But another question is now being posed by this new generation of college-bound students -- the answer to which could be a deciding factor for a growing number of applicants: "What is your campus sustainability plan?"

Future leaders know green is here to stay

More astute than ever when it comes to the green agenda, the leaders of tomorrow realize that their careers, the environment, and their overall well-being will be inextricably linked to solving the challenge of climate change.

According to a 2006 MTV/CBS News poll, most Americans aged 13 to 24 think environmental degradation will be the biggest challenge their generation will face in 20 years. Eighty-one percent said that action to address global warming must be taken immediately. This statistic highlights an overwhelming shift in the priorities of college-age students.

Wouldn't it make sense, then, that colleges and universities heed this cultural phenomenon -- not only to be socially and environmentally responsible, but also to increase enrollment in a very competitive market?

Experts at Rocky Mountain Institute think so, and have worked for the past year to not only identify why some universities have not caught on to the multiple benefits of campus sustainability, but how colleges can successfully plan for a low-carbon future. According to their newly published book, "Accelerating Campus Climate Initiatives," there is a big difference between putting recycling bins outside student dorms and a full-fledged campus-wide sustainability program, and students need to know the difference.

The result of a two-year collaboration between RMI and the Association for the Advancement of Sustainability in Higher Education, "Accelerating Campus Climate Initiatives" is a manual for campus sustainability planning.  RMI and AASHE experts visited twelve campuses to assess and address the barriers to reducing carbon footprints at colleges and universities.

How can colleges and universities capitalize on the trend?

Michael Kinsley, project manager, RMI senior consultant, and coauthor of the book, said that both the visible and non-visible evidence that a campus is doing its best to mitigate its environmental impact is essential, but not necessarily equal.  

"Students look for visible signs of greenness," Kinsley said. "But beware of the tendency to push for the visible rather the more advantageous, but invisible, carbon reduction measures."

In other words, although efficiency is the best and most cost-effective means to achieving large-scale carbon reduction in, for example, campus buildings or operations, it is invisible. So while students call for campus recycling programs, lobby for locally grown produce in the cafeteria, or raise money for a solar PV panel for the library roof, it is important they don't overlook the large efficiency opportunity in the drafty facilities building.

Kinsley is all for highly visible campus programs that engage students, but said campuses should empower students to put these types of programs into context. Students and sustainability facilitators should not lose sight of the practical, highly effective aspects of campus sustainability, such as installing more efficient boilers and integrating alternative forms of energy, Kinsley said, but there is also the job of raising awareness among staff and students.

"When you see evidence of an environmental commitment, ask what it means," Kinsley advised. "Asking the right questions lets prospective students develop a much more sophisticated perspective of what is needed on their campus."

Do your research

A college's visible commitment to sustainability can often be more a symbolic indicator than an absolute measure. Digging a bit deeper allows prospective students to evaluate the most effective green efforts on the campuses they're considering. Kinsley suggests several questions that prospective students and their parents can ask, including the following:

Have they signed the American College and University President's Climate Commitment?

Signed by 660 presidents of U.S. colleges, the ACUPC is a commitment to eliminate campuses' greenhouse gas emissions over time. This involves completing an emissions inventory, setting a target date and interim milestones for becoming carbon neutral (within two years of signing), immediately implementing short-term action items that reduce emissions, and integrating sustainability into their curricula.

Have they completed a carbon inventory?

Escalating energy costs and the threat of climate change are both great reasons for a campus to quantify and evaluate their emissions. It is also a strong indicator that a campus is ready to think seriously about its environmental impact, Kinsley said. "Unless they have measured their impact, it is hard to figure out where to start, and tailor an effective reduction strategy."

Have they developed an actionable sustainability plan?

College campuses of any size are complicated systems that include buildings, athletic fields, landscaping, energy systems, financing mechanisms, and people -- each with a specific but integrated role in the institution's carbon reduction goals. A comprehensive plan that successfully addresses the system as a whole is quite difficult but nevertheless essential if a campus hopes to achieve aggressive emissions-reduction targets.

During his work with the 12 campuses, Kinsley witnessed first-hand many of the barriers, both real and perceived, of implementing a comprehensive plan. One surprising barrier was distractions -- resources poured into exciting one-off projects, programs, and events around sustainability.

"It is critically important for campus leaders to understand that success will not only come from making lists," Kinsley said. "It also comes from a different way of thinking about buildings, utilities, perceptions, institutional structures, and all the other components of the system that comprise energy and the campus." 

Have they been recognized for their environmental commitment?

AASHE presents four Campus Sustainability Leadership Awards annually to institutions that have made the greatest overall commitment to sustainability as demonstrated in their education and research, campus operations, and administration and finance.

Equipped with the right resources, any prospective student can get to the bottom of what a campus is really doing to green up not only their image, but their impact. Attending a college with a solid commitment to sustainability helps students develop awareness and a long-term commitment to solving the climate crisis -- and to learn about the right tools they can use to pursue the next wave of high-paying green careers.

Clearly, campus sustainability efforts count for a variety of reasons; let's hope that colleges take note.

For more information and a free download of Accelerating Campus Climate Initiatives, visithttp://www.rmi.org/rmi/Campuses.

Kelly Vaughn is a public relations specialist at Rocky Mountain Institute.

Stress and Wellness

That the mind and the body are interrelated, interactive, or perhaps just different names for the same thing, is by now widely accepted and supposedly understood by most - at least in theory. But in practice there is a strong persisting tendency to split the mind from the body and to devote to each an entirely separate approach and mode of understanding. Best results for all treatments of every kind of condition or illness, whether of the mind, the body, or of some unspecified mixture of both, follow from the balanced, comprehensive, nuanced attention to the total welfare of the person in his environment. The so-called holistic or biopsychosocial approach to illness and coping is perhaps still more honored in the breach than in the observance - but it is only common sense that the overall condition and well-being of the individual ought to be kept in mind and enhanced as a fundamental basis for any particular treatment of a specific condition. The stress of life is unavoidable - but it can usually be managed and shaped to produce the optimum health and happiness for the individual under the existing circumstances. Broadly definable in terms of the classic 'fight or flight reaction,' stressful states in modern man typically arise and are perpetuated in conditions where neither fight nor flight is realistic or acceptable. The result may be a state of chronic and unresolved tension and stress affecting both the physical and emotional well-being of the person. The adverse medical consequences of chronic stress and tension are well-known and amply documented, including an increased incidence of many chronic medical illnesses to a more guarded prognosis in those cases which are compounded by ongoing and unrelieved stressful life conditions. Reduction of inner and outer stress is therefore a fundamental and paramount element of basic self-care which not only lessens the unpleasant subjective consequences of neglected or mishandled stress but also improves the basic tone and physiological health of the human organism. States of emotional and psychological distress are inherently stressful and thus tend to build on themselves and establish classic 'vicious circles' in which individuals experiencing transient disturbances of coping or functioning may find themselves caught in a downward spiral of progressively ineffective or impaired self-care at the very time they most require their full health and personal resources in order to surmount the problems they are encountering. A wide variety of proven stress management and reduction techniques exist and constitute a powerful therapeutic armamentarium which can assist the re-establishment of psychological as well as physical health and homeostasis for individuals swept away by the turmoil of their inner and outer lives. All stress management begins and remains grounded in basic principles of self-care with strong behavioral(action) overtones, e.g. (1) don't do things that are bad for you, and (2) do do things that are good for you. But because the susceptibility of human beings to mental and physical stress is closely related to attitudes and ways of thinking about oneself and life, examination and change of such often unexamined assumptions figures prominently in individualized personal stress management programs provided by skilled stress management consultants.

Behavioral Medicine Associates Comprehensive Modern Mental Health Services (c) 2009 by Behavioral Medicine Associates. All rights reserved.

Highly toxic chemicals are found in laundry detergents, dryer sheets, deodorants, perfumes, soaps and other household products

by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger
Editor of NaturalNews.com

Learn more:http://www.naturalnews.com/001061.html#ixzz1SwMOuDpV

As part of National Poison Prevention Week, health officials are warning parents to keep their children away from household poisons. That's good advice, of course, but sadly very little attention is paid to slow-acting poisons and toxic chemicals found in personal care products that slowly (but surely) kill both parents and children by the millions. I'm talking about the toxic chemicals found in everyday household products that, when absorbed through the skin (as practically all chemicals are), lead directly toliver toxicity, nervous system disorders, andcancer. Let's take a look at the list:
The bathroom is one of the mosttoxicrooms in the house for most American families. People usedeodorantscontaining aluminum (Alzheimer's disease), shampoos containing harsh solvents (livertoxicity), toothpaste containing non-organic fluoride (osteoporosis), mouthwash with aspartame (brain tumors) or saccharin (cancer), and to top it off, most people slap on a dab ofperfumeor cologne containing highly toxic cancer-causingchemicals. In a laboratory analysis, one popular perfume was found to contain more than forty chemicals classified as hazardous to theliver, and yet the FDA still does not require perfume manufacturers to warn consumers about thetoxic chemicalsfound in their products.
And the bathroom is only the beginning: the laundry room is also highly toxic, containing the same chemicalperfumesin both the laundry detergent and especially thedryer sheets. Dryer sheets coat all your clothes with a layer of toxic chemicals. When you wear those clothes, your body moisture causes those chemicals to come into contact with yourskinand be absorbed directly into your bloodstream. It's an easy way topoisonyour system with cancer-causing chemicals.
The kitchen is also highly toxic:consumerspurchase antibacterialsoapproducts made with a potent nerve chemical similar to agent orange -- that's what kills thebacteria. They also use automatic dishwashing detergent containing yet more chemicals and toxicfragrancecompounds that coat the plates, glasses and silverware with a thin layer of cancer-causing chemicals. Subsequently, families then eat off those dishes and ingest the chemicals.
In the yard, people use horrific quantities of pesticides and herbicides with seemingly no care whatsoever about thehealthconsequences of doing so. I had a neighbor once who couldn't stand themolestunneling through his back yard, so he coated his entire yard with a chemical (purchased at a local home & lawn store) that would poison and kill all the worms. With the worms gone, the moles had to look forfoodsomewhere else. In the mind of my neighbor, he solved the problem! Of course, he was oblivious to the fact that he wiped out the all-important biodiversity of his lawn and would thereafter be dependent on a long list of chemicals to battle one lawn disease after another, arising from the fact that all the worms were dead. (Your lawn needs worms to be healthy.)
Some people just don't get it. They think chemicals solve these problems, and they have absolutely no regard for nature. You see the same thing in organized medicine, of course, where doctors and pharmaceutical companies push chemicals onto patients in much the same way that my neighbor used chemicals to kill all the worms in his lawn. Yes, you could say the ploy "worked" in one sense, but only in a very narrow-minded, short-term way. Modernmedicineoperates with much the same mindset. I've always said that ifmodern medicinewere responsible for treating lawns, they would diagnose a shortage of water as "yellow grassdisease" and prescribe "green lawn paint" at $100 / gallon to make the lawn look greener.
But getting back tohouseholdpoisons: the most dangerouspoisonsare not the ones labeled as such. Most people aren't even aware that their perfumes and colognes are poisons. They have no clue that most deodorants causeAlzheimer'sdisease. They're not even aware that dryer sheets coat their clothes in a thin layer of chemicals that promote liver cancer. So they keep buying and using all theseproducts, day after day, oblivious to the reality. Product manufacturers, meanwhile, absolutely deny the health consequences of their products. They acknowledge that the chemicals are present, but they claim the skin doesn't absorb them. That's nonsense, of couse: the skin absorbs practically all chemicals. That's why the "patch" medicines work in the first place: the medicine is absorbed through the skin.
Spread the word. Send a friend this article and let them know to avoid these products. Here's what to use instead: fordeodorant, make your own with 50% baking soda mixed with 50% corn starch. It won't stop the sweating, but it will stop the odor unless you follow a terrible diet, in which case you will need to probably stopeatingred meat and drinking cow's milk before the stink will subside. For soap in the shower, use Dr. Bronner's soaps (find them athealth foodstores). For laundry detergent and automatic dishwasher soap, buy Seventh Generation products at a health foodstore. Make sure you buy all these as "fragrance free" products. Fragrance is the source of many toxic chemicals. You'll want to avoid fragrance at all costs. For perfumes and colognes, you'll have to buy natural products made exclusively with essential oils, not artificial chemicals. These can be very, very expensive. So you might consider just wearing no perfumes at all. I'm sure everyone around you will greatly appreciate it anyway, since most people put onfar too muchfragrance as their senses are dulled to the smell of their selected fragrance.
Fragrance actually dulls the mind and the senses, by the way. That's a completely different topic, but the short version is that if you wear perfume and use fragrance in your laundry, your mind is dulled. By using only fragrance-free products, you will literally become more intelligent. No kidding.

For a safe family, home, and environment go to:
www.WahmQueen.com
(disregard the work from home, if only interested in over 350 everyday essentials)

Parenting Sober

How becoming a mom helped me overcome addiction

By Sarah Bregel   |  May 16, 2011

In the past fourteen months, the age of my now-sleeping daughter, I have been so stressed, anxious, overwhelmed by feedings, diapers, all of the needs of my beautiful little girl that I have lost a large piece of the person I used to be. All mothers must feel this way I think, but I can truthfully say now that I don’t think it’s possible to remain the person that you once were, even in part, when fully embracing motherhood. That sounds terrible and anti-feminist, but what I mean is that you grow into someone different completely.

I was not prepared for this — not in the slightest. I had just turned 24 when I got pregnant. That doesn’t sound very young, but for me it felt young. I had only been dating Piper’s father for about 8 months, although impulsive as we once were, we were already living together. The two of us spent our days and nights drinking massive amounts of alcohol that now makes my stomach do a flip to even think of. The combination of our personalities was an addict’s disaster. When I thought about having a baby, I of course didn’t understand the reality of it, as my mother persistently pointed out to me. I didn’t understand the “full-time” aspect of the new role. Though I had no close friends with children, I knew of parents that seemed to still go out, party, and have a great time. I didn’t realize then, that for us, everything had to change, and it has taken me this long to truly realize it.

I was a mediocre student, artist, employee, and drinking was mostly to blame. I did not want to be a mediocre parent.

From the time I had been old enough to be interested in drinking, I had never thought about living without it. At 14, I looked forward to weekends spent tromping around alleys with my girlfriends, swigging pints of vodka. In college, it was daily happy hours that often turned into sleepless nights and sitting on our porch, day-drinking. The list of addicts in my family goes back a long way, and my life had revolved around drinking for 10 years straight. I don’t think I really knew who I was when you got rid of all that. I’m not sure I do now, but I’m learning.

When I got pregnant, my most frequent and beloved activity was taken away. We were broke and scared, but I quit drinking cold turkey — and pretty effortlessly, due to the nausea that persisted until the minute I pushed Piper out of my body. But I had also become anti-social. People expected the glowing mother-to-be, but I was nothing of the sort. I didn’t want to be around people who were drinking, and my friends became reminders of a life I was leaving behind.

At the time I gave little thought to the effect that taking away my biggest stress-reliever would have. I pushed my feelings down so deep in order to do what I needed to do — be a mother — and I was determined to be a good one. So determined, in fact, that around 7 weeks post-partum I actually gave myself heart palpitations, which I still have today. In the same week that I went to the emergency room, Piper came down with infant botulism, a rare and dangerous disease, and we spent two weeks in the P.I.C.U. I was having daily panic attacks that made my chest tighten up and my heart pound. I kept telling myself, “You’re just stressed; you’re just overwhelmed.” But why didn’t I have the capacity to deal with these things better? Probably because I had spent 10 years drinking away any anxiety that ever came into my life. What seemed to me like normal teenage behavior I now know had a huge impact on my ability to handle stress, not only emotionally but physically.

Throughout my life I had been okay with being mediocre at a lot of things. I was a mediocre student, artist, employee, and drinking was mostly to blame for that mediocrity, because it always came first. But what has been the most life-changing discovery is that I did not want to be a mediocre parent. I couldn’t let drinking come first anymore.

Almost two years since seeing the plastic strip say “positive,” I finally feel that I am embracing and settling into this new life. I am inspired and joyful once again and I have my daughter to thank. Perhaps I never knew what real joy was and am only learning it now, because it feels different than ever before. My numbness and sadness and yearning for an old life that was slowly killing my body and my mind is surely going away and being replaced by an active person who lives her life with intention.

Formaldehyde now officially listed as cancer-causing chemical; here are the top sources of exposure...

Tuesday, June 21, 2011 by: J. McDonough-Horton

(NaturalNews) Formaldehyde is present in relatively benign quantities in nature; however its presence in manufactured goods is a major health concern because according to a significant body of research, it is a known carcinogenic substance.

Recently the U.S Department of Health and Human Services released a report on newly designated carcinogens that included formaldehyde. The report went on to suggest that people in certain industries were especially vulnerable to the effects of exposure such as those workers who worked in nail salons, in the funeral industry, and in industries which useformaldehydeto produce commonhouseholditems includinghomefurnishings, cleansers andpersonal care products. People who are exposed to concentrated levels of formaldehyde are more likely to develop certain cancers such as nasopharyngealcancerand myeloid leukemia.

While some effort has been made to limit the quantities of formaldehyde used in manufacturing, such as restrictions recently placed by the US in The Formaldehyde Standards for Composite Wood Products Act, thistoxicchemical remains a significanthealthrisk especially in confined spaces for prolonged periods of time.

Formaldehyde is classified as a volatile organic compound or VOA. This term is used to describe compounds that are under significant vapor pressure and are easily expelled into the air. Because formaldehyde is readily vaporized can be a serious indoor pollutant.

Products which may contain formaldehyde include:

* Wood composite furniture including; resins used for office furniture, couches, babyfurniture, particle board, pressed board, plywood, and softwood.

* Building materials such as acoustical ceilings, mineral wool, decking, composite core doors, industrial glues, foam insulation, paints and paint thinners.

* Household cleansers such as floor polishes, scouring cleansers, disinfectants, liquid cleansers, laundry aids, air fresheners, carpet cleaners.

* Household items such as wall hangings, carpets or throw rugs, coating on paperproducts, textiles, plastics, and upholstery.

* Personal care products such ashairstraightening products, hair rinses, and cosmetics such as nail polish and hair gel often contain formaldehyde. Baby products including shampoos, creams and bubble bath are frequently laced with formaldehyde. Toothpaste andbodywashes are also potentialsourcesof this carcinogenic ingredient.

* Clothing that is designated wrinkle free or preshrunk frequently contains formaldehyde. It has also been found in baby clothes and bedding.

* Formaldehyde is also a key component in the familiar newcarsmell of recently purchased vehicles.

* Car exhaust and cigarette smoke also contain formaldehyde.

* Formaldehyde is used as a disinfectant in laboratory settings, and is also used in the embalming process.

There are ways to reduce exposure to formaldehyde including buying products that are formaldehyde free. Another important way to reduce exposure is to be certain to properly ventilate the house. Here are some other suggests to reduce formaldehyde exposure:

1. Frequently air out the house. Formaldehyde concentrations in the home may alsoleadto allergic reactions may contribute to asthma attacks and contribute to other respiratory problems, rashes, irritation to mucus membranes, and fatigue. Children may be especially vulnerable.

2. Formaldehyde may be more readily released into the air in hot and humid spaces. Keep the area cool and dry in summer weather if possible.

3. Pressed wood products or composite wood frequently contains resins made with formaldehyde. Avoid purchasing these products or look for products that are listed as containing no formaldehyde or low formaldehyde. One example of a product labeled for reduced formaldehyde content would be a C.A.R.B phase 1 or 2 compliant product which is The California Air Resource Board endorsement. California has long recognized the carcinogenic properties of formaldehyde.

4. Wash all new clothing before wearing it. Clothing manufacturers in the U.S and some other countries are not required to label materials containing formaldehyde though many of their products do.

5. Do not allow smoking in the home. Smoke from cigarettes is a leading cause of formaldehyde exposure and indoor pollution.

6. When refinishing or sanding an old piece of furniture or woodwork wear a mask and use adequate ventilation. Sawdust from these items may contain high levels of formaldehyde.

7. Combinations of cleansers can be deadly so don't mix them. Use proper ventilation when using ordinary household cleansers. Although many of them smell fresh and clean they are chemical cocktails that frequently contain formaldehyde.

8. Use low-VOC or no-VOC paints.

9. Buy only personal care and baby care items that are formaldehyde free. Be especially diligent with nail polishes, hair straightening products as both of these items may contain dangerous levels of formaldehyde.

The recent addition of formaldehyde to the list of known cancer causing agents may lead to tougherlawsregulating its use in consumer products and is a significant step to protecting the welfare of the public from this toxic substance. Until laws change however, it will be up to consumers to take steps to protect their home and families from formaldehyde.

Learn more:http://www.naturalnews.com/032765_formaldehyde_carcinogenic.html#ixzz1SkJsP8RP


For 100% safe products that are harmless to your family, home, and environment go to 
www.wahmqueen.com 
(disregard the work from home if only interested in products)

Domestic Enemies of the Special Needs Mommy

This post is brought to you by Stark.Raving.Mad.Mommy who is awesome and amazing.  Her blog is incredible and hilarious and if you haven't read it, you really should. 

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I wrote about my little corner of Mommyland (which is called either Special Needsville or Yes My Child Rides the Short Bus Damnit) last year in a post called A Rant from Special Needs Mommyland. However, I am still fielding jackhole questions from random muttonheads, so apparently I need to be even more specific about the Domestic Enemies of the SPECIAL NEEDS Mom. Do you know some of these people? Feel free to share this post with them. If we all work together, we can cure Jackhole Comment Disorder in 2011!

The Nosy Parkers

I was well-familiar with the Nosy Parkers before I even had Little Dude. My first two babies are twins, and believe me, people have no qualms about asking questions like "Do twins run in your family?" when what they really mean is "Did you do fertility treatments?" Which, in turn, actually means "please tell me about the most emotionally difficult time in your life so I can compare you to Octomom later when I tell my friends about it." (For more about jackholes and multiples, see the excellent post Domestic Enemies of the Multiples Mom.

Now that we have Little Dude (and now that my twins look so different that no one thinks they're twins), the questions have changed.

How about I just answer all the questions right now?

• No, he is not "just like" Rain Man.
• Yes, I know he doesn't "look" autistic. (I'm not sure what people think autism looks like. They seem to think this is some kind of compliment. It's actually just confusing.)
• No, praying really, really hard will probably not "cure" him.
• Yes, I know he's really cute. It turns out the Special Needs Fairy doesn't care.
• Yes, we do discipline him. But no, we're not going to "spank the autism right out of him."
• Also, please know that if you ask me if I took antidepressants while I was pregnant, I may punch in you in the throat.

The Parenting Experts
Little Dude is five, and not toilet-trained. He often needs to be carried; usually this is because he's overwhelmed by his surroundings. The Parenting Experts like to ask back-handed "helpful" questions, like "Isn't he getting a little big for Pull-Ups / being carried / having a meltdown on the floor of Target?" The thing is, he's autistic, not deaf. And while he's emotionally 36 months old, academically he's seven years old. So he knows what you're saying, jackhole. And you putting pressure on him to change things he has no control over? Does not help us one bit. 

Here's a pro tip: If you see a kid who looks "too big" for diapers, believe me, the parent a) already knows his/her child is in diapers; b) is not lazy (it's actually a lot of work to change diapers year after year); and c) has already tried every suggestion you have. Telling us your 18-month-old child potty-trained in two days because you used a sticker chart is not helpful advice; it's showing off. Shut. Up.

Then someone says, for example, "Isn't he getting a little big to be carried?" they're actually saying "put that kid down and stop spoiling your child." The thing is, when I'm holding my freaked-out, 50-pound child while simultaneously pushing a grocery cart, it's not really the best time for me to stop and explain about autism, sensory integration, frustration tolerance and how overwhelmed and terrified he is right now. I'd hand out little cards to explain it, but I'd need a third hand for that.

I honestly don't understand why anyone gives a crap if, when, why, or how long I carry him. It's not like I'm asking the Random Muttonheads to lug him around. It's also an excellent upper-body workout for me, and Maude knows I don't have time/money to go to a gym. And yet, it inexplicably bothers some people tremendously to see me comforting my child in this way.

A family we're friends with has a son with microcephaly and ataxia (loss of motor function). Because he's obviously profoundly disabled, most people have the good sense to just shut the hell up. On the other hand, because he's obviously profoundly disabled, sometimes people think he has no idea what's going on around him, which isn't true. It would be awesome if you didn't ask about his life expectancy in front of him.

Speaking of horrifying comments, I also have friends with a daughter with both autism and a degenerative mitochondrial disease. They have been asked, "So how long are you going to let her live like this?" By actual nurses. Um, holy crap. On a less chilling note, these parents also constantly get the "isn't she getting a little big for pacifiers?" Really? You want to take away the one thing that, oh I don't know ... pacifies a child who's in almost constant pain? Bite me.

The Medical Experts

Autism is in the news a lot. Sometimes it's in the news because a celebrity has written a book about their autistic child and how he or she was "cured" through the use of prayer / ABA Therapy / chelation / organic zucchini / oxygen chambers / leeches / Eye of Newt imported from Transylvania. 

The one thing scientists know for sure about autism is that it can't be cured. There are therapies that help, but no one therapy helps all autistic people. Lots of kids feel (and behave) differently depending on their diet; going gluten-free, for example, seems to help some families. The important take-home message here is that reading a review of a celebrity book in People does not actually qualify you to give me advice.

The Actual Medical Experts

Sometimes the actual medical experts are more annoying than the faux medical experts. I've read enough studies on things that might cause an increased risk of autism, thanks. Also, we've had enough studies that conclude that girls are slipping through the cracks of autism diagnosis. How about you get back to me when you've figured out a better way to diagnose them?

Also, a lot of medical specialists like to play a little game called Pass the Annoying Incurable Buck. Neurology would like you to see Orthopedics, who sends you to Psychology, who tells you to see the Feeding Clinic, where they tell you to see Gastroenterology, which sends you to Allergy, which recommends Neurology. By this time, Mommy needs to see both Psychology and a Financial Advisor.

The Starers

When Little Dude has a public meltdown, it's a spectacle. I get it. And if you're under the age of, say, ten, go ahead and stare. I'll just smile weakly and wave. But if you're a grown adult, you don't get to just stand there, mouth agape, and stare at my son. Yes, I know he's kicking the floor, crying, and screaming incoherently. The starers are thinking either "get control of your child" or "just go ahead and buy him the Snickers bar already." You know what those thoughts get you? A sure bet that your next child or grandchild will be the meltdown-havin'est baby evah. So good luck with that.

 

 "There's nothing to see here, folks. 
 Just a child having a meltdown.  Move along."



Next time you see a mom at Target with a melting-down child, here are some alternatives to staring: Smile. Nod knowingly. Offer the "we've all been there" commiseration. (On the other hand, if you see a child with a melting-down mom, you should do what Kate did.

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Don't forget to check out Stark.Raving.Mad.Mommy - she's awesome!